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Friendless Frump

2007-09-07 / 9:38 a.m.

Thank goodness for new days. Yesterday, while not Horrible, was not pretty. Bg2 has a new molar breaking through and was just not happy. She was super fussy, had diahrea, kept falling and getting hurt, and to top it all off, she got her leg stuck in the crib slats. It was her chubby knee that caused the problem. Plus, apparently, it was stuck for a while, so it began to swell. People, I had to use cooking spray (buttered flavor) to get her out. She cried and cried. Her poor little leg has a bruise on it now. Both girls went down early - it was that kind of day. I just needed to be done. So I escaped to my room and layed down to read and then went to bed early. It was just what I needed.

So I have been going through this phase lately. I have been here before, and I try to not come back, but somehow I end up in the same place. I get this terrible, sick-to-my-stomach feeling that my friends don't care for me as much as I care for them. It's silly really, but I have said before that I love my friends more than my family, so maybe I do care for them more than they do for me. I don't know. It's the little things, like not hearing from friends and then finding out how much they are doing with other people. Or emailing an old friend and her sister (twins that I've known since I was 12) to see if we could get together and finding out that they already had a date set to meet the group of girls I grew up with. Um....but I wasn't invited until I contacted her. Of course she was like, "Come join us, it would be good to see you..." but seriously, why wasn't I included in the initial invitation? And it's in 2 weeks, when I'll be on vacation, so I can't go anyways. Or when I get sad that Beth is going on business trips and will be gone for a long time, and I tell her I am going to miss her, and Matt asks, "why are you so sad she's leaving?" Um...she's my best friend and I won't get to see or talk to her! Which I don't get to see her often enough as it is. I know that having kids plays a part of it. If people don't have kids, or they have older kids, they don't usually include people with little kids, or they think that I can't do anything because of my kids, but it really bums me out. I know people get busy and I'm not priority number one, I just get lonely. I have really tried to reach out to my friends, when I feel this way, to make them know how special they are to me....it's just hard when people don't do the same to me. I sound pathetic, really, I know. I think it is hard too, because the people who do reach out to me, live far away and I can't see them that often and that makes me miss them and makes me even more sad. I don't know, maybe I am being selfish. I don't work (aside from taking care of my house and 2 children), and others have to work, come home and do all that I do and their time is more limited than mine. I can understand that. It is harder for them to make time for me than it is for me to make time. Not that it makes it any easier, but I am trying to talk mysef out of this place. I hope that in most cases, it's not personal against me. I did email the twins and ask why they hadn't invited me before....maybe I should have let it go....they haven't responded, so I am sure they don't know what to think.

Also, I don't feel very pretty lately. I feel like I have turned into one of those pathetic, dumpy looking moms you see in the grocery store. I wear t-shirts and shorts everyday, pull my hair back (mostly because of the heat these days) and if I'm not going out, I don't put in my contacts or wear any makeup. I've turned into a freindless frump! I colored my hair last week and nobody has said a thing about it. Which, in some ways is fine, but I think it is a pretty noticeable difference. It had gotten so bleached out this summer, from being out in the sun constantly, so I colored it darker - closer to my natural color. So either people pay no attention or they don't like it. I think I'll give myself a mani/pedi today - maybe that would make me feel better. I would rather go get one, but I think that is out of the question with the girls.

Also, Bg1 started pulling her hair out again and has a new bald spot on top of her head. This makes me want to cry! But you have all heard that before.

K

crawling * walking

Another discovery of the rat bastard - 2007-10-02